Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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