Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
