I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
