dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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