You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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