Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
