I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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