In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
