What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize