U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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