I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
