The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
