And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
