your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
