toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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