rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
