I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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