Midget sex pt 2 tonight
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
