Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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