9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
