I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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