Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
