I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
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you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
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Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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