I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
