rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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