The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
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he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
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I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
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