I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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