youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He shit in the fireplace
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
