My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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