I feel like I'm in dance class right now
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
