If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
