Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
