i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
