He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
