I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize