More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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