Just fell off a train. Bad.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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