I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
