I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
