Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
