a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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