Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
