can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
