You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
