I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
