there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
