I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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