Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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