Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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