Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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