shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize