Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
