yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
