Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
