So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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