There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
