just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
