while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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