I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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