nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
