My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
