I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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