what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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