Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
