The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
