I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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