Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
