Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
