seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
