Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
