the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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